Resignation

There's a stillness this time

There's a calm

and I hope I can find the right words

to help you see that

I'm not fighting this time

I'm flowing

It's not just a feeling this time

It's knowing

There's not boiling passion attached to it

It just Is

and I won't build up evidence to present my case

cuz it's not something I have to shove in your face

but that I want to get inside you and touch your mind

and your heart as it has mine

Apprehension and Peace

The two emotions only God can put together and say, "Trust Me. This is good."

That's it. There's no more to this. I'm gonna pray that you take it because I still need you, but if you don't, then I don't know what else to say. I won't try and change you cuz convincing won't do anything.

I'm confident and secure.

How can I help you understand?

30

30

is the number that I turn the dial of my volume to in my car

when I want the music just loud enough to sing into

and not above

just loud enough

to get lost

30

helps me unwind

30

makes the world go away

and 30

was your number

when you decided to lose everything

to gain

us

30

made the world unwind

because death couldn't stand the music

Jeremiah 20

Jeremiah! I hear you! You command praise with one breath, then cry out against your life in the next. But there's no going back for you, is there? Indeed, his words are a fire in your heart and a fire shut up in your bones. You cannot hold it in or it will consume you in your entirety. It's the most incredible, flustering, limb-shaking thing you've ever experienced. Yes, that is life. Your spirit pulling exact opposite of your flesh, with your skin threatening to rip right off of your bones. Praise God, Jeremiah! Curse the day of your birth! Speak of joy! Cry out in anguish in the pain you feel in every single bruise and cut that's been beaten into you for speaking only destruction over your very own people! But yes! Know your God hears you! You have true life. Embrace it then disown it, only to fall to your knees, pick it up, dust it off, and put it on again because it's the only thing you know that is worth living for. Be desperate and satisfied, yearning and content, rested and weary. There's nothing better.

You're Alive

"Do you ever just realize that you're, like....alive?"

"Yes."

"How do you explain it?"

"You can't."

C.C.B.

I finally figured out why I haven't let you go.

It's your face.

My mind can't comprehend that yes, you have changed, but your face looks the same. I look at you and only see the person I knew you to be. Your eyes the same. Your hair the same. Your lips the same. How can you be so different when everything else remains? I try to look harder, tracing the lines in your face to see what's left or what's come but I can't find it. Where are you now? Where did you lose that part of you that I knew went along with everything else that's in front of me? Are you still in there somewhere? Will my voice awaken and draw to light the one who's ears used to be tickled by it's sound? Will my eyes meet yours, and make the world I used to get lost in set in motion again?

What has stolen your wonder? The wonder I could see stirring in your mind when your eyes would look up-sideward, your mouth ease into a smile?

What has stolen the humility you carried with your head bowed? When your eyelids rested together, your lips muttering into a silent eternity?

Your arms still look like they could hold me. Your eyes like they still know me.

But none of this is who you are now

and I think I'll have to get past your face if I'm ever going to get past you and me

and what I still think we could be

cuz I could stand here and try to restore you to the person I knew before

But I think what I need to do is close my eyes

and just hear you speak

cuz in whatever brief words you'd have to say about how the heart I knew and this face I see don't belong together any longer

I'll know

I'll know you're gone

So I'll close my eyes and hear you speak

cuz I can't let go with your face right in front of me

The Cry of My Awakening Heart

She got put in jail for having her pants on just a little too tight

Forty lashes on her back tonight

and I'm a thousand miles away

feeling almost helpless in the fact that all I can do is pray

Lord, reach out your hand to her

cover her hurt

as she asks why you have forsaken her

as I ask why you have forsaken her

God why have you forsaken these who are weak and in need?

Help it make sense in my head, please

I just don't understand

I want to help her, God

If they'd even let me take just one of her lashes God, I would

If they'd let me tend to her, mend her bloody cuts God, I would

Tell me how I'm supposed to lay down comfy tonight with her in the front of my mind

or how I'm supposed to take a bite of my heated meal

without first hurting for the ones who haven't had

anything hit their stomachs in days?

If all I can do is pray, God, hear me now

Hear me loud

Save your children from the grip of sickness, hunger and slavery

Hear their hearts cry out for saving and save, God

Hear oppression in every whip that cracks on their backs

and every butt of a gun that is run into the head of one

who refuses to fight in a war against his brother

And God, let America know we ain't the only ones in this world

No, there are others

Not just a select few

Oh, God, if they knew

If they only knew that the majority of mankind

sleeps in poverty right now

We think we're the normal ones but if we look at the rest of the continents

we'll see that poor is normal

and we're actually the weird ones

Closets full of clothes

We're the weird ones

One car for every member of the family

We're the weird ones

Two parents, a full house and in the kitchen a meal cooking to eat with forks and knives and top off the night with a hot shower

We're the weird ones!

God, you know I'd trade all my cozy rights of USA today

to become poor and normal

But for so many reasons this ain't the season just yet

So I'll wait on you to change the weather

For now

I'll cry out for the woman with forty lashes awaiting her

and I'll pray the floodgates of Heaven open up

and fill my cup along with the cup

of many who share pain

God, do not let my cry be in vain

The Smile

Why is it that women exchange smiles

when passing off the stall of a public restroom to the next person?

I just pee'd *smile*

Huu that felt good! *smile*

I wonder if they're gonna smell that... *smile*

You sure you wanna come in here? *smile*

Oh they have no idea... *smile*

I just find it kind of funny.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this:

Food.
Think about it. We were created with a physical need to consume sustainance in order to survive. If we don't eat or drink, after a while, we will die. God knows this. He created it within us.

And this is what gets me: He doesn't just give us some random staple, like rice, to live on (as wonderful a thing as rice is), He gives us variety. He gives food tastes. Rich tastes of beef, sweet juicy tastes of mango, spicy tastes of curry. THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT VARIETIES OF FOOD! Is anyone else feeling me on this? I don't know if I'm explaining myself thoroughly enough: God LOVES us, and has therefore given us so much amazingness to choose from.

I thought I could explain this better, but I guess I can't. I'm too excited right now. Hopefully this will click in your brain like it has in mine and you will be filled with joy for every taste that hits your taste buds and makes them sing out in exultation to their Creator.

untitled song 1 + untitled song 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZW-8L0_NtyM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxpSbNuQszw

it breaks in the middle, sorry.

The first one is about how God calls us to just go deeper based on his promises that He will take care of us.

The second one is about the poor and how we need to do something about it not just for them, but for us, because we need them in our lives too.