Thank You for the Moon

Out of all the billions of stars
you made one moon
and for that, God, I thank you
cuz I can come to the end of my day
with the tired look I have in my eyes
and write a hello into it's craters
so when they search the sky
their eyes can meet where mine have been
and we'd have been together

even if it's just in
the moonshine

Too Many Words

There's too many words in my head
most of the time
I can't tell which ones should and should not be said
As soon as I feel I got a handle on it
like I finally know what to do in order not to screw with you anymore
I blow it
We both
know it
It takes me only seconds to realize I should have kept my mouth shut and those words inside
put my knowledge aside
and trust only His
TRUST only His
I think that's what the problem is
I lack the surrender and trust I must have so I'm not back here
eight nine ten times a year
kicking my own ass about what appeared to be the right thing to do
but wasn't
I speak too many words
lacking the action to back up what I really know inside:
I love you
In the end, that's the message I'm ultimately trying to send
but it gets bent outta shape when I try to do it
by myself
I can't do SHIT
by myself
It don't help no one EVER
Never have I genuinely stepped in and helped someone without Jesus
I get it now
And I can tell you imma do my best to not mess up again as your friend
all the words I have for you now
are I'm Sorry.

Call It What You Want

I wish
I wish that this time around I could remember what to do
I wish there was some answer somewhere I left it but forgot
like maybe the back of my freezer
shake it off, microwave it and begin cooking again
Begin eating
living again

But I'm sick of my freezer
the ice burns my skin
I need something real to meet me
Something
SomeOne
to reach me

Only thing is, I'm to scared to look it in the eye
cuz tell me why
Why should I try if imma mess up?
Why should I be like a dog that eats, throws up, then goes back to that same food
to do what it did in the first place that leads to the same result?
No way I'm over it
I'm over hope that makes me feel like I can do better
and be better one day
when nothing ever seems to happen that way
I don't know how to never look back
I don't know what it is to lack nothing and be completely broken
and complete
at the same time
I can't bring myself to just try
cuz this spin cycle is stuck on repeat
I'm washing away

So unless you got something new
up your invisible sleeves that I could never see
but acted like I could cuz you were someone personable to me
I don't know how to move again

I don't want to move again
unless there's actual hope
that I'll never have to be here ever again

We Are Sisters

We are Sisters
Sisters of Truth
Sisters of Light
Sisters of Wisdom
of Love
Life
and Brokenness

We are Sisters
Sisters with soul
Sisters with style
Sisters with strength
bonded in not only our triumphs
but our weaknesses

We are Sisters

Which is why
I can't stand by as I watch you hit the scene
I won't have it when some guy
our Brother
uses his eyes to caress your body like you're another
piece of meat

Cuz you are a Sister
my Sister
and also his
him not seeing, respecting and honoring that
cannot be the way it is
when charisma lures in
giving Satan another chance
to make you feel like he wins

I won't have it where you feel like you have to begin again
but I know I been there
staring the end in the face and having to pick up the pace one more time
but if it comes to that, I'm fine
as long as you let me imma be here by your side
flying or fallen
limping or leaping
crying or seeking
praising or screaming

I claim you as my blood
because we are
we are under
the same blood
and someone told me
that blood is thicker than water

So no, I ain't gonna pull you aside
every time you decide you wanna try something
but if I even hint Satan knocking on the door
imma hit the floor
and fight for you
balled fists becoming clasped hands
raging lips propelling my petition forward
more toward Heaven
words so Spirit heavy they
hit the Gates harder and harder
and harder and harder
till my Daddy understands that I won't let my Sister be lost to any plans but His
and he answers me
cuz that's our Daddy, He hears and answers me
and I won't stand till it happens

cuz you're worth it, just like I am
and I ain't ever gonna throw my hands up at you
imma keep um right at my side
offering one out to you always
letting you know
showing you
that I will never cease to believe
Eternity belongs to us

You
and me
Sisters of Eternity
a Family of Forever
a Unity of The Kingdom that is not just near but here now
and most certainly
The Body of Christ

This is the edict of our identity
We are Sisters
of Love
Light
Life
Truth
Brokenness
I'm
owning this
till we never die

We're Sisters

Let's ride

Who Gon' Pray?

Eh
Who gon pray?

Oh nah, try give um someone else
I no can pray nice kine lidat
You
You get um down
can say what you feeling
what you tinking
all tell um with everybody

But I no can
mine no sound nice
Nah, I still do um
I still pray when I stay by myself
inside kine
but I no like in front everybody
Shame bu
gotta be someone who knows how fo' do dat kine
somebody
pastor
leader
one of da coaches, ah?
Not jus me
I not anybody

I know Jesus no judge me
but still yet get the people
the people not Jesus
I no know what they gon think
what if my words come all jam up?
bumbai they gon think I no can

so yeah, take um
you go pray
yeah! going going going
you get um, sistah

"Let's all come to Jesus in prayer--"

Free

There's a lightness in how I'm rooted
The storm comes now
and I feel what it means to not be shaken

cuz now
I'm done

I'm done trying to please
because I can never do it
and you know what?
I'm okay with that now
I'm okay with the fact that God
is proud of me
and God
beams with pride because of me

no expectations
if slip ups come it aint the end of the world
we'll learn how to think better next time

cuz hey
listen
there's grace for me
there's love for me
and there's truth that picks me up
dusts me off
cleans my face
and sets me straight

I am not moved
because my Jesus approves
and hey
listen

that's all
that matters

A Corpsman's Mission

16 May 2010

"I didn't join to seek revenge on the Taliban or to kill anyone, I joined to make a difference.  It's in no way stupid to pray for my enemy.  God said to love our enemies.  Now I realize my mission as a Marine, and I won't hesitate to do what I must, but I don't think that interferes with my mission to love them.  The way I see it, my responsibility to love them comes with the opportunities God provides.  My biblical example would be David and how he spared Saul's life when he had the opportunity to kill him in his sleep.  The opportunities I see before me to love my enemy are these: As you said, to pray for them; to defend them if they surrender; to offer them aid when they are injured and unarmed; to care for the ones we may take captive; and to forgive them, whatever they may do to me because they fight for something they believe in as strongly as I do.  And from there, I can only hope and pray that God uses that, His love manifested in me to minister to them and open their eyes to what they are fighting, and who.  How God uses me is completely in His hands.  How I live my life to love my enemy the way He loved me is in mine.  So I plan to pray for them, everyday, and every time before I leave the wire to go on patrol, that I may walk with eyes open to His doors, His opportunities to share Christ's love."

-LCPL Joel Nathan Christensen
3/3 India Company, 2nd Platoon
Unit 44080

Wading

The water feels warm on my feet
when I stand here near the edge
of that sea of uncertainty
I've become comfortable here
the water's edge lapping up against my ankles
an invitation to something bigger
that's grown dull against my ears

in my attempt to stay dry and still attempt to be in the ocean
I reached down tonight
to let my hands touch the water

and it was cold

I forgot that it's cold
icy
and opens up my senses to everything You want me to see or hear or feel

cuz I've been standing here so long in water my feet are used to
and never thought to dive in again
I wanna have the water open up my pores so my soul can ease out and join the creation it was made with
so it can breathe
and swim
dance in the currents and roll with the waves
weave in and out of sun rays that shine through salinity and kiss coral reefs
create songs with the whales
cruise with the honu
make trouble with the dolphins
Live like I'm created to cuz I'm created to live life

I'm stripping naked
dipping skinny
diving headfirst
Don't give a damn if I splash anyone on my way in
cuz they should join me too

Chilly water
Messy hair
First breath of air



Hello again

Solitary

There's all these people here
that hear my song
but don't sing along

What I need is just a day
to sit or lay with someone
who will quiet our voices for a little while
and sing
join in to hear our voices rise
ringing up to the stars
lost in a Love that isn't ours

Spirits join as one and dance
Praise him the way we were made to
Breathe in each other's brokenness
Breathe out love that reaches over and embraces
breaths that are more whole than just air

I know this time will come again soon

I'm content with where I am
because you never stop singing
the most beautiful song

Exhale

032910

Tears finally came like rain
breaking through dense clouds
of fear
releases
water
and life
but now I just sit
messy and drenched
clothes torn and tossed to the side of me cuz they were suffocating my skin
just trying to take a breath
you come
lift my chin
I meet your eyes
wet as mine
alive
I am alive
Heaven lives inside me
Itʻs my choice to live like it
or live like I actually belong
to everything I'm feeling

Drone

031510

I think I'm gonna keep my head down today
keep my mind blank
lips sealed
feet moving
for how long, I don't know
I want my mind as glazed over
as my eyes were when pain pushed my
heart down into a place it hasn't been familiar with for a while now
my feet will pat a hypnotic beat
metronome
monotone
air to breathe is all I need
subconsciously keeping me alive
melancholy
warm day
cool breeze

who needs to speak?

Picking Up Breadcrumbs

So, what if I wrote a post about not being able to write lately?

Screw the irony.  I'm gonna do it.

All I keep getting are pieces of pieces
a couple lines here
a verse here
a chorus there
but nothing
connects

nothing

...and that's all I got

but I'm beginning to let myself see
that right now, that's probably all I need

Cliches/All The Things I'm Afraid To Say

Tell me, how do I tell you that Jesus loves you

without sounding cliche?

Is there any other way to say it?

Cuz I wanna speak that to you

even though I know people will repeat that to you

and have in the past tried to beat that into you

The truth is I was one of those cliche lovers
which I don't think is all in itself wrong
the cliches ain't lies
I just used to say them thinking they'd fix everything
but now I know they're not tools
they're no strings attached Truth
Pieces of bread I bring to you
to bring you through the night
and there is freedom
in knowing you can take it or leave it

So Jesus loves you, and so do I
God is in control
Trust Him
He's with you, always
He feels your pain
and I am
flat on my face
not just praying
but kneeling with the Spirit
groaning in the gap for you

Mangoes in February

Sweet exists even out of season.

Strip Tease

When it rains
people avoid the puddles
roll up their jeans
hunker under their umbrellas

But if it's pouring
I might as well get a little wet
let the rivers of street rain lap up against my ankles
wetting my jeans all the way up to my knees
weighing down at my waist
teasing me to strip and dance
bare
naked
soaked
while soaking up

the rawness that life should be

Pride

I WANNA BE THE BEST
Because every part of my life is a test
that I wanna be the best in
beat the rest in
never restin'
puffin' up my chest and
rising above every single one of you
and you
and YOU
cuz you
are supposed to be number two
and me
number one
I wanna be the one who takes the win
wind in my face after the sound of the gun
who knows I've won
always win the ones
that matter
that I treasure
I don't care what you can do
I wanna do it better
Set the bar as high as you like
I
will run my ass into the ground to try to learn how to fly
leave you behind
like "Bye Bye, you.  You lose.
You LOSE, you LOSE, I WIN!"
In everything


Where
Where did this all begin?
Why do I sit and watch the ones I love
showing God their love
doing the things they love
and the first thing surfacing in my mind is
I. Can. Do. Better.
How can I. Do. Better.
Instead of just sitting and listening
I'm constantly thinking of ways
I could better portray the things they're saying
they're singing
they're playing
they're bringing
See cuz I'm still being
accustomed to this Kingdom
erecting kids as it's model for greatness
low made high and high made low
honor bestowed on those whose toes go uncovered
dirty children, widowed mothers
all the least of these and others

I need to strive to be less
cuz others are more
for this upside-down Kingdom
is here to restore what's left
and nobody cares about who's best

so as I starve the pride inside me
please feed the things You want to come alive
cuz I know when I try to top people off
it just makes them want to hide
I don't want them to hide from me
I wanna see that light in their eyes
flickering to life when they partake in a little sharsies time
You looking and me hearing you say to them, "You are mine."

The world can have it's best's and beat the rest's
it can take all my F's on the tests I get
I'd rather let my pride go hungry
and see everyone one I love bungee-jump off their Comfort Cliffs
letting go of their 'but's 'if's and 'maybe's
hearing them say He's
worth it in the end

You are worth it in the end
so I'll stop trying to pretend
I can be the best at something
Your best is what I'll be on a quest for
as You will be providing me with rest
make Your best mine
Jesus, You
You shine
as I
deny myself
cry for help
and die
so You can raise me up in Your life

Shine Jesus shine
Pride die come shine
Shine Jesus, shine

World Map

Everyone should have one of these in their houses.

Everyone should have one of these in their hearts.

Power

12.28.09

There ain't no pretending anymore
I'm through with making excuses that Satan uses
to block me
and ultimately You from doing what You need to do
to make everything Yours again
like how it was in the beginning
when the beginning was given to man
who turned it into the beginning of the end
choosing out of perfect union with everything in the universe
but You
didn't stop there
there was more you had
even in these places where we choose into
dark places
easy places
we made our homes
but now I know
now, you've shown me the peace-seeking kingdom you wanna bring
are bringing now
America, Africa, China
suburbs, cities, shacks, not-so-humble abodes
my very home
Six billion people you want to be Yours
one no greater no less
no second no best
than the other
lost or found, on the Cross' ground people stand
black, white, small, tall, quiet, loud, near, far
Equal
Equal, You say, equal
A woman ravaged and raped
equal to my two older brothers who still need to be saved
You show me, You show me that saving my family is just as important as freeing the slaves
And You can, God, save my family free the slaves You can
Yes
The world can change
The world can change by the power of Your Name
the world CAN change by the power of Your Name
Broken women, children, fathers, sons soldiers
reclaimed
Slaves unchained
The rejected, renamed
Death, SHAMED
our sanity made insane as our minds are rearranged
turned upside down
placed in uncomfortable places
stretched, pressed, molded
as we gaze into the many faces our Savior has
in the dirty, hard-grounded, filthy lands
scratched up hands meet ours and miracles happen
stars breaking through the night
cuz that's what's right
Night slowly becoming as brings as day
Day time radiating the face of Jesus
light filling us
breathing in
pure
love
holy
peace
shame gone, guilt released
we'll reach that place
cuz we believe, yes
Yes, yes, yes
the world can change
the world can change by the Power of Your Name
Come like rain, Jesus
Come, come like rain
drench our dry and cracked world the devil reigns
though he's defeated he knows it deep in his soul
we just gotta stand and show it
Your Name
Change
The World
Power
Yes.

Family

I had a bad day the other day
I drank half a glass of wine
I thought it'd make it better
I'm underage

And her? She's had a rough month and a half
They just broke up
She needed an escape
She got high

He has heaven at his fingertips
but he turns away sometimes
He thinks he knows better


Family.


I didn't understand how you could love a people so broken
but I'm starting to get it
These are the people I love
We're broken
We fall
but we're being led out of it
learning that we need each other
learning to choose what is good
and being shown how to lead others out too

I love my family