Call It What You Want

I wish
I wish that this time around I could remember what to do
I wish there was some answer somewhere I left it but forgot
like maybe the back of my freezer
shake it off, microwave it and begin cooking again
Begin eating
living again

But I'm sick of my freezer
the ice burns my skin
I need something real to meet me
Something
SomeOne
to reach me

Only thing is, I'm to scared to look it in the eye
cuz tell me why
Why should I try if imma mess up?
Why should I be like a dog that eats, throws up, then goes back to that same food
to do what it did in the first place that leads to the same result?
No way I'm over it
I'm over hope that makes me feel like I can do better
and be better one day
when nothing ever seems to happen that way
I don't know how to never look back
I don't know what it is to lack nothing and be completely broken
and complete
at the same time
I can't bring myself to just try
cuz this spin cycle is stuck on repeat
I'm washing away

So unless you got something new
up your invisible sleeves that I could never see
but acted like I could cuz you were someone personable to me
I don't know how to move again

I don't want to move again
unless there's actual hope
that I'll never have to be here ever again