Shame

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Shame

"Why did I do that" kinda shame

"Why didn't I just do it" kinda shame

"I could have

would have

should have"

kinda shame

"Hide my face in my hands" kinda shame

"Why can't I just trust in your plans" kinda shame

It haunts me

and as much as I deny it's presence

when I'm on the ground

an open target

it's response is simple, but cuts me deep:

"LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE"

The King of the universe comes and gives his only Son

and this is how you repay him?

disobedience

SHAME

dishonor

SHAME

you can never make him proud

SHAME

SHAME

SHAME

on you!

God why do I do what I do?

I knew what I was doing and yet I did it

SHAME on me, God

I deserve nothing

I can never measure up

how could I even try to measure up

I don't think I have a ruler that goes that high...

..it would be easier if I just act like it's not there

to live and die

with my shame inside

to hide my

ugly, dirty, self-seeking heart

and just try to be better

to aim for the mark

that i'll always miss....

grace

"Yes, you did do that"

grace

"True, you didn't think through"

grace

"you could have

should have

but didn't"

grace

"You don't have to hide your face" kinda grace

"because I wanna look into your eyes and just say,

'Hey, I love you, my child.  I love you.

Before you knew time

I love you

Before I placed those stars in the sky

I love you

Shame shakes and trembles when I am around

it flees

because I bring you victory

'Yes, you can stop' kinda victory

'and it IS possible to never give it another thought' kinda victory

and no, you can't measure up

which is why I came down to you

to show you

grace

love

and victory

leave shame trembling in the shadows

come take a dip with me

dive into my

immense

never-ending

ocean

of

rest

yes, it's big and powerful

but you are my blessed and beloved

and I am at my best when you're at your weakest

I love you

come with me

I love you

let's go do victory

in grace

and through love."

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:2